Before I launch into the preamble and subsequent poetry, I must say something. My recent writings have greatly angered someone. Of everyone it would be my honor to piss the fuck off, this person is not one of them. Not even slightly at all. It's someone for whom I wish all the best life has to offer. Regardless of who is to blame, irresponsible, over reacting or whatever ugliness can be extracted, I hope this storm soon passes and we can please be friends, or at least, not enemies.

This will probably be the last blog I post that has to do with sexuality. The point will have been  been made. I either need to move on or shut the fuck up.  

It starts like this...

The old joke about bisexuality is that you double your chances for a date on Saturday night. The sad part is that it seems we are twice as much a target for intolerance and hatred.
I have been told by members of the gay community that I need to come to the conclusion that I'm gay. I'm not. That I'm a hypocrite and in denial.  I'm not. 

That I'm not being true to the 'family'. Whose family are we talking about and why am I suddenly adopted? 

I have been told by members of the straight community that it's us goddamn bisexuals who are responsible for the spread of AIDS from those heathen ass fucking queers into the pristine vaginas of God fearing maidens. 

According to some, we are the downfall of civilization. 

Even after nearly 24 years of monogamy, to some, I am still to be counted among Satan's henchmen. 

For me at least, bisexuality is not a choice. it is who I am and was born to be. I used this predisposition to make double and triple damn sure that when I settled down, it would be with the love of my life.

Genitals be damned, I prayed for real eternal love. 

My detractors are as of now,left with bigotry, hatred and derision. Call me whatever names you wish. Curse me as you see fit. But guess who wakes up next to the answer to their prayers and who flails about, looking to find the pieces of their soul in a fog of ignorance?

Thus ends the preamble

This blog feels rough around the edges. Much like me at this moment. The poem that follows, I've never found the right place for it. It's rough around the edges too. Probably that's why I love it so much. It goes like this...

Tonight I heard
a song of remembrance
once new
when we first met
and I knew I loved you

It spoke of old times
and loves long gone
I was convinced
it was about you and I
how great and eternal our love
then like things
to my mind
it went away
and the only love
I had known
vanished like all else
that ever told me
I should continue to live
leaving me
in familiar desperation
alone with my demons

The orgy I knew
all too well
would resume
once you
as did all lights
fade and recede
from my undeserving life
and I would write
stupid poetry
commemorating the loss
of your life
from mine

Two decades have passed
since I would scream
in my car driving home
blinded by heat
and my young mans anger
quenched only by you
with the moon in your hair
breezes dancing about your face
the porch light romance
leading me ultimately
to your bed

where we played
while I prayed

we give life
to our children

We endure
no matter what
for me always
to rise casting eyes
upon your face
never far from the grace
you have bestowed
upon me
is my memory

For as old
as we may grow
there is no hand
I could hold
for eternity
but yours
for as much
as you pulled me
from the brink of death
do I hope I
have done
a fraction as much
for you
then I will have achieved
a particle of the eternity
you have gained
saving me away
from myself
the deep pit

and the strained levitation
that had been planned
since before my inception
I would fall
like all my sad ancestors
before me

I was never permitted
their luxury to fail and die
with a weak promise of potential
never realized but excused
because a sensitive artisan
in the midst of a cruel world
cannot survive and by default
must die miserably

FUCK THAT

I WILL NOT DIE

because I know love
and how it feels and smells
when it saves your life
even when you have since
cast it out the damn door

In spite of it all
love is speaking
even 

if we’re not listening
I will continue
until we remember
until we remember
I will pray

for us all
until we remember.

Again, thank you so much for reading,

it means more to me than I can tell you

All my love always,

Max