Angel Unborn

1. Amber

When I turned on the light, the bedroom floor looked like a murder scene. I was convinced for an instant that God was going to take from me my wife and unborn daughter. Kelley stood quivering amidst the crimson horror and said 'I think I need to go to the hospital'.

After an exponential breaking of speed limits and traffic laws, we were met by a group nurses. Several ultrasound tests later, it was determined that an old biopsy procedure site had opened when she had her first contraction, instead of the tragedy it was first thought to be. I looked into the mirror in the maternity room and saw two long tendrils of gray hair coming from my temples that had not previously existed.

About 10 hours later, she was born. I knew in that second I would never be the same. I had just become something I always wanted to be. I was now somebody's dad and it's all of a sudden not all about me anymore. 

2. Daniel

After three false labors, he came into the world on a bitterly cold morning with the umbilical cord wrapped around his neck. He was not breathing and unresponsive to the midwife's slapping and pronounced chantings of ' Baby! Baby! Baby!' She said to her assistant to get the team of 'special' nurses. 

Two smiley faced women wearing smiley faced nurse smocks entered, scooped up his limp purple body and said they were 'going to take baby out of the room for a minute'.  I knew if those two bitches took him, they would quickly give up and I would never see my son alive.  

I grabbed him away, laid him on a table, held his hands, looked toward the sky, closed my eyes and I bullshit you not, I saw a light. What happened then or for how long, I have no recollection. The next memory I have is being shaken by the nurses. They were saying 'Mr Grimm, he's OK, you can let go now.' 

I looked down to see a little pink baby boy screaming his fucking head off. I held him for a minute then handed him to the nurses who checked his vital signs. He promptly urinated all over the bunch of them. My sentiments exactly. They took him over to Kelley and she held our son for the first time. I sat down next to the bed. She asked, 'What just happened?'  Later, the midwife asked 'What did you do?' To this day, I still have no answer. 

This poem is called 'Asaliah'

To my little boy

never born 

unto us 

I feel 

your angel 

tonight

Though you 

never

became

our child 

in this life

still I feel 

your light presence
and longings

to be 

my son

to be
our children’s brother

and of my true love 

she would bear

bring you forth

and love 

with a fortitude 

possessed 

only by mothers

Your first 

cry would dispel

my dark imaginings

I would become 

filled 

with a strength 

known only 

to fathers

We would raise you 

with a love

known only

to parents 

and  

name 

you 

Asaliah

an angel 

whose guidance

I cherish 

and name
I have 

always had 

a reverence.

I feel you 

close tonight 

my son
not 

holding my hand
but in a dream

I conjured 

from chaos

and distilled 

into liquid starlight

dancing on oceans

of nectar 

behind

drawn 

curtains

of my 

haunted 

eyes

and sing you 

to sleep

with hymns

from our joys

unrealized

until our souls

can do 

aught

else

but 

collide.

All my love always,

Max